Conclusion

Overall from this course I learned of the different types of families, the changes from older to newer types of families, relationship patterns among many other things. The one this that shocked me was the statistics on cohabitation before marriage and the amount of children who come from homes that have an alcoholic within them. I would have thought before this class that by living with the partner before marriage would allow for the partner to get to know each other and have no surprises after marriage for how they really are like. It is a common fact that after you move in with someone you really get to understanding who they are, and personally I would want to know almost everything about that person before I decide to make the commitment to marry them. Also from this class I learned that 1 in 5 children have alcoholic parents. That was a huge eye opener for me. This statistic made me want to become a much more supportive and aware teacher.

To conclude this course I will add some photos of the family that I grew up in:

My mom and Dad

Immediate family

Brother and Grandparents

 Family on Whatmore side

Brother Justin and I

Teacher and The Family

The role of the teacher in a family

I believe the teacher can have a profoundly impact on the family. The role of the teacher can be a very important role when dealing with a child who comes from an unhealthy home. Some of the roles that I believe the teacher would be a part of within the family are:

1.       Provide support for the student emotionally, physically or academically. This can be something that may be lacking within the home structure. The student can be provided with face-to-face interactions with the teacher when the demonstrate a need.

2.       Teachers can provide a safe space for the individuals to go to. Some students may be from broken homes, abusive homes or unattractive homes and by being able to go to a space provided by the teacher, the student might feel safe and away from major stressors.

3.       The teacher can provide companionship in the form of a role model or friend. They might find someone who is attentitive to their needs, always there for them regardless of their needs and also someone they can enjoy and have fun with.

4.       The role of the teacher can also be to protect the student by reporting abuse they know of or suspect within the home. The teacher sees the individual almost every day and if they are constantly coming dirty or without a meal the teacher has the mandatory responsibility to report neglect within the household.

5.       The teacher can also educate and give the individuals an education that is not getting this need within their home. The teacher can provide education about socialization and interactions, their culture and issues in the world around them and general curriculum learning’s.

There are many other roles that the teacher can take on, but these are a few I came up with. A teacher can be a central role within the individual’s life. The teacher may be the role model within the student’s life and a supportive figure outside the home. If a student is coming from a home with alcoholic or drug using parents or broken homes or in general unhealthy homes, the school is a place where the individual can feel safe and away from this home life. A teacher can have a major impact on where these students go with their lives and impact that can be often over looked by a person coming into the teaching profession.

                        In Classroom Case Study

http://www2.scholastic.com/browse/article.jsp?id=11831

This article addresses the life of Taylor, child in the home of an alcoholic parents. Some of the issues he shown within the classroom was:

·         Lashing out at other students

·         May appear to be pale, but no apparent illness.

·         Cries easily

·         Avoids group activities.

This problem isn’t rare. The article suggests that 1 in 5 students will come from this same type of family that Taylor comes from. The article suggests that the teacher can invite the parent in to talk and if they admit to this problem the teacher can offer immediate help. The teacher needs to ensure that they are making the supervisor aware of the conversation. Perhaps the teacher would also be able to invite a social worker to the meeting and suggest family or local agencies specialists to help with the problem.  The teacher, within the classroom, might also make an attempt to work closely with the boy and gain his trust and encourage creative play again. The teacher should allow the student to take the lead and allow them to spark an interest in any area they see fun and fitting within their lives. The teacher should be alert to any spark of interest and follow up on it.

The end of the article notes: Anytime a teacher has concerns about the safety and well-being of a child at home or suspects neglect for any reason, including substance abuse by a parent, the program director should be informed and take whatever steps are appropriate to protect the child.  

Children Of Alcoholics and Drug Users

As a child I was exposed to my uncle David being heavily into alcohol and drugs. We were always moving him and carefully watching him when he was around for fear he would steal from us to make drug money. He was married and divorced and out of that marriage he had a child, Kash, and two step-children, Skylor and Cody, who he raised as his own. In 2007, my uncle died of drug related causes leaving his three children to fend for themselves. Kash was 11 at the time, Cody was 13 and Skylor was 14.

Skylor: When David died Skylor lived with his biological father and started working with him. He quit school and started taking part in the drug and gang life heavily. Two years ago Skylor was arrested for many charges including attempted murder and has spent the last two years in jail. After recently getting out he is still very involved in this reckless life. I believe that because he really had no one to turn to as a role model when David died he felt a sense of acceptance in the life he had chosen for himself. He had people that would be there for him and take care of him, something his real dad, mom or David was able to do for him. Skylor is a much different person now than when we grew up together.

Cody: When David died Cody stayed with his biological father and his mom. He also failed to continue in his education and began using drugs heavily as well. I haven’t had much contact with Cody for a few years but last I seen him I remember hiding my belongings when he was around for the fear he would steal them. Last I heard of Cody he was starting to get his life on track and taking college courses.

Kash: When his father died Kash choose a much different life for himself than the other two boys. He moved back in with his mother, and due to her abandonment to camp jobs up north he took on all the bills as a young age of 11 and 12. At 13 he moved in with a friend, whose family took him in and helped raised him as his own. He is now 17 and is moving into his own apartment, graduating from school this year and doing an apprentice. With the help of my family, my grandparents and all the other important people that took him is as their own, Kash was able to stay on the right path away from drug use.  

For each of the boys the common theme is having someone there for them. For Skylor he had the `gang’ and for Kash it was his immediate family and friends. Kids of narcotic using parents need someone to take them in as their own so they don’t feel as alone. Teachers can be this person who takes them in as someone to talk to, trust, and be an immediate role model and as a source to get away from the troubles at home. As a teacher, I can be an important person in the lives of these children.

"New Robots Can Provide Elder Care For Aging Baby Boomers"

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/04/080416212725.htm

I found this very interesting article addressing the aging population and the use of the technology robots.  They call this robot the uBot5.

Some of the robots functions are:

·         Family members can visit their elderly family from internet connections.

·         Doctors can perform virtual house calls.

·         Can dial 911

·         Remind clients to take medication

·         Help with grocery shopping.

***all these don’t allow for one on one interaction with other individuals***

This product may be very good for elderly who wish to live at home independently, but I believe this will have major consequences on the senior’s social skills. If they are not coming into live contact with their family, medical professionals or friends they are not getting that needed interactions with other individuals. Many seniors are not “just waiting to die,” they still have lives and want to do things that are some enjoyment to them. I believe strongly in the use of elderly homes because they will get that real-life one to one interaction with peers and medical professional instead of having their life run through a computer. Yes, the robot is break through technology to support the growing number of seniors in the world, but I don’t believe this technology will give them appropriate social interactions or a personal care when supporting them.



Leaving the Nest

I experienced leaving the nest last year when moving from Whitecourt to Red Deer for college. At the time I had just turned 17 and it was a big step in my life and was also a great loss in my parent’s lives. For me moving out led to a great deal of loneliness (I was living completely on my own in a basement suit), had a hard time adjusting to being on my own and not having my parents there for me to do things for me and I also was mourning that my brother was still apart of the family and could go to every family function and I could not. Because I was already very independent living at home, creating an independent identity without the supports of my parents was actually one of the easier things for me. For my parents, they felt a great deal of loss and sadness when I left. My mother especially had a difficult time with this. She still tried to hold on to me as I was trying to create my own life and identity which created a lot of tensions between us. She would try to always know at all times where I was, the grades I was getting, where my money was going to, the friends I was meeting and calling me 2-3 times a day. For me, this created a lot of anxiety when I was deciding if it was OK for me to go out and create my own identity. I was constantly feeling bad about not always wanting them in the loop with every move I made, when they constantly wanted to know this. Overall, leaving the nest was a very hard transitional time for me and for my parents.

Weddings

Are these weddings ruining the institution of marriage?

This man married his dog.

In this wedding a women married a dead man. He had been dead for 5 days before marrying him. They got married in a mortuary and was accompanied by bridesmaides, friends and family while the priest blessed the air. She even gave him a ring and concluded the cermony by kissing the courpse.

I believe that these are absolutly undermining the institution of marriage. Getting married to a dead person and to a dog in my mind is absolutly outragous. Marriage should be about two people in love and celebrating their union and I dont know how it can be possible to celebrate a union to a dog or corpse.

Now what about gay marriages?

Some people believe that this type of marriage is also outragous. I do not agree with this statement. I beleive that two people in love, regardless of sex, should be able to celebrate their special relationships in the same way that a heterosexual relationship would. This rite of passige shows the celebration of two people in love -- fully functioning people, not like a courpse or dog -- and should be accepted in todays postmodern culure.

I have a friend who is gay and has a boyfriend. Even though I do feel like I do have some troubles seeing public displays of affection between the two, I accept that it was a life they choose for themselves and accept the relationship between them. I would go to their wedding (if it were to happen) and celebrate their union as I would go to a heterosexual couples wedding. They are in love and should not be told that this love is wrong because you believe yours is the only way.

Learned Helplessness

Learned Helplessness

I believe that because of women always having to do something their way or the perfect way men develop learned helplessness when it comes to household chores. My boyfriend and I are cohabitating and I know for myself I will always get as much housework done before he gets home from work so he doesnt feel obligated to do it when he gets home. I believe I do this because I know if he were to do it I would  be constantly watching over what he does and nagging him to do it the "correct" way. For me I know it is much easier just to do the chores myself, it gets done quicker and also doesnt start an argument between my boyfriend and I.

As many other girls mentioned in the class, I do most of the housework, but I dont mind it because I feel it to be cleansing. I am a very organized and clean person and I know that when my house isnt clean I get really anxious, have a hard time concentrating on homework in my home, and also have harder times getting to sleep because I stress about how clean it is. 

For myself I believe that my boyfriend has developed learned helplessness because of being so paticular with how I want everything to be done. 

Monster- in- Law

Monster in law is a movie staring Jennifer Lopez, Michael Vartan and Jane Fonda. This movie shows a negative realtionship between the mother of the man and the women who is about the marry the man.

Plot:

After years of looking for Mr. Right, Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini finally finds the man of her dreams, Kevin Fields, only to discover that his mother, Viola, is the woman of her nightmares. A recently fired news anchor who is afraid she will lose her son the way she has just lost her career, Viola determines to scare off her son's new fiancé by becoming the world's worst mother-in-law. While Viola's long-time assistant Ruby does her best to help Viola execute her crazy schemes, Charlie decides to fight back and the gloves come off as the two women battle it out to see just who is the alpha-female.

 

Monster in Law Tailer

Mother-in-Law

Just like the majority of the class, I would place more importance on the relationship with the in-law family even prior to becoming married. Being welcomed and accepted into my significant others family is a very important part in whether or not I will be pursing the relationship futher.

Personal experence: During and after high-school I was involved in a two and a half year relationship. His father had passed away so his only parent was his mother. She was very protective of him because he was the last child to still be living at home and having me in his life she thought of it as “taking him away” from her. She did all what was in her power to break the relationship up. She would invite other girls our age over to the house (and tell him how great of a girlfiend she would be), she would create long lists of things that need to be done so he wouldnt be able to see me and would also tell him straight up that he was not to see me any longer. Because he had lost his dad and felt obligated to do and listen to what she had to say, he would pursue her wishes. This put alot of stress on our relationship and was one of the major reasons in which we are not together today.

I beleive that being welcomed into the family and being accepted for their son is a major part and sometimes an ultimate part in pursing a relationship. I know for myself I could not handle the stress the mother had put on me and destroyed the relationship I had been in. I personally would concider my partners family before taking the leap to becoming married.

Internet Dating: Eharmony

To discover the filtering process in autonomous mate selection I looked into the online dating website Eharmony.com. This site absolutely follows the seven stages of mate selection as discussed in class. The questions to be answered to find your perfect mate narrows the selection of potential mates from a pool of eligible’s to the individual person you will pursue.



1. Step one is to find a pool of edibles
- By going on a dating site, you are automatically exposed to eligible potentials looking for another mate themselves.
-EHarmony is the dating site I will look at and this website shows the millions of potential mates.

2. Decide Gender preference
-Decides if within the pool you are looking in, if you are looking for a male or female and if you yourself are male or female.
- The first question asked on the web site is “I am a ______, seeking a _____”

3. Look for People within Propinquity and sex ratio
- Looks for people in a relative area you are currently living in.
- The second question on the website asks for the individual’s postal code and country.
- Looks at how far you are willing to search to find mate.

4. Does Endogamy and Exogamy have an affect in choosing mate?
- Endogamy is choosing someone within a group and exogamy is choosing someone not in our group (for example not choosing our relatives)
-I believe that if someone is looking on an internet dating site the factors of endogamy and exogamy won’t be a concern.

5. Homogeny
- Choosing someone in our age region, religious background and ethnicity.
- The next questions on the website include “how important is your match’s age to you” and then show a scale from not at all to very important.
- It then asks questions about current marital status, education levels, and the importance of your mate’s education to you. It asks about income, occupation, height (importance)
- It asks for ethnicity and the importance of your match’s ethnicity and the ethnicities you would be willing to accept as matches.
- Then asks what religions you affiliate with yourself, what religions you would accept you’re matched to be affiliated with, and the importance of your match’s religion.

6. The next step is to look at value and role similarity
- This is often one of the things that we think about the most.
- The EHarmony website next addresses this step.
- The website asks questions such as: I do things according to plan, I take time out for others, I feel unable to deal with things, I love to help others, I seek adventure, I often leave a mess in my room, I carry conversations to a higher level, I get stressed out easily, I often make others feel good, I am good at analysizing problems, I usually stand up for myself, I am easily discouraged, I can handle allot of information, I waste my time, I catch on to thinks quickly, I usually wait for others to lead the way, I love order and regularity, I often do nice things for people, I get angered easily.
- It also asks questions such as: I am looking for a long term relationship that leads to marriage, exclusiveness within a relationship, importance to have close friends within their life, ect.
- Looks at potential mate’s love of children, beliefs, personality, ability to communicate, similar ideas about parenting, partners interests, animal rights, volunteering, healthy diet, church involvement, ideas about the environment, living skills, helping less fortunate ect.
- Talks about looking for partners who smoke or don’t smoke, drink or not, have children in their home, accepting those children in the family, and the want to start another family.

7. The last step is to choose cohabitation or marriage.
- This step would be prior to the mate selection.
-The steps in the website do ask about wanting to have a long term relationship leading to marriage.

EHarmony is a website the shows each of the steps for finding a potential mate through the filtering process. It doesn’t miss a step and infact goes into each one in detail with many questions and selections that can be made within each stage. This website, I’m sure, helps many people in finding a potential lifelong partner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y_FLOGDSCo

This Youtube Video shares the success stories and some details about how Eharmony works.

Hitch

Sara: I heard every word. You're a scam artist. You trick women into getting...
Hitch: Into getting out of their own way, so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance!
Hitch: Okay, no no no no. I want everybody to take a good look at this right now. Because this - this right here - this is exactly why falling in love is so goddamn hard!

“Luckily, the fact is that just like the rest of us, even a beautiful woman doesn't know what she wants until she sees it, and that's where I come in. My job is to open her eyes. Basic principles: no matter what, no matter when, no matter who... any man has a chance to sweep any woman off her feet. He just needs the right broom.”

I believe these quotes reassure the main point the Time Magazine article was trying to get across. The quotes show great people may be missed because of the expectations women may put on when finding a potential mate. When Hitch quotes that his job is to gives men a fighting chance, as in Albert Brennaman and Alegra Cole, he shows the difficulties it is for a man to pursue a women with the “lists” and “molds” of ideal men that women create. The second quote states that his job is to open a woman’s eyes to men who would otherwise go unnoticed. This man would go unnoticed also because of the mold women create when finding a mate. Women often look for a tall, handsome, perfect guy and often over look all others that don’t meet this criteria or checklist. These quotes from the movie Hitch proves the argument in the Time Article.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0386588/quotes

The Mans Guide To Love

From the time article we see the list of things that a woman doesn’t want when going out to find a boyfriend, husband, ect. But where do men get the advice to guide them to a lasting relationship or finding a relationship. The man’s guide to love gives advice to other men about relationships and love with the demanding and list orientated women.

http://www.themansguidetolove.com/about/

Lunch Programs

Lunch Programs and Poverty

It is a wide known issue that there are poverty stricken families in Canada. We need to realize this and make an effort to help in schools to make the quality of life better for our students. In Edmonton they made a lunch program called E4C. E4C is a charitable organization that feeds their students lunch to help them learn easier, to improve food security for individuals and help caregivers develop skills. I believe this is a remarkable effort to give children the fair advantage they deserve in schools and life. I think more schools should take the initiative to place a positive program like this into their learning environments.

The links to more on this program are:

http://www.e4calberta.org/pdfs/slpfactsheet.pdf

http://www.e4calberta.org/eslp.html

Stay at home mother

Today in class one of the girls mentioned that society doesn’t accept that being a stay-at-home mother is considered to be a “job.” I agree that society doesn’t recognize this as an important necessity is today’s communities. I think society underestimates the work and patients it takes to be a stay at home mother. They take on many other jobs within the home than most people believe. I found this quote in an article on the internet. I personally believe being a mother is one of the most important jobs out there.

“A stay-at-home mom holds many job titles including housekeeper, chef, sitter, chauffeur, shopper, banker, tutor, doctor, entertainment coordinator and law enforcement to name a few.” –Carole Ligi

When I become a mother I will undoubtedly be a stay-at-home mother. I came from a home where I was put into another person’s house for daycare while my mother was at work. I personally do not agree with this choice that my mother made. I believe the first few years in the life of the child is when morals should be instilled and the times when children learn to trust their parents. If a mother goes out and works and leave the children in the lives of another caregiver, the morals you want your children to have in their life may not necessarily be the ones you want them to have. I was lucky enough to have a great caregiver, my auntie. She taught me many lessons during that period of time that I still take into my own life. I believe I am who I am because of how my auntie raised me within her own home. I have realized although in my later teenage and young adulthood years that there has been a lot of tension between my auntie and mother because some of my ideas today that came from my auntie which are not what my mother necessarily would have wanted. If my mother would have been the one to raise me these tensions wouldn’t of arisen. When I become a mother I don’t want to have this tension between anyone else. I want to be there for my children and teach them the morals and manners that I want them to have. I will take on the most important job of a stay at home mother when it comes to be that time.

Thoroughly Modern Marriage

The documentary on CBC, Thoroughly Modern Marriage, opened my eyes up to the different types of families and marriages that I had previously not been exposed to. It made me more open to learning and discovering the marriages that work for other people. Even though I personally want to be married into the more modern wife and husband, kids after, and no extramarital sex type of relationship, I need to be more open to the ideas of other types of families I will be in contact with in my teaching career.

When in the classroom I have to understand that my students may come from different parenting styles. I have to use caution when generalizing the family types my students come from. I have to be aware of saying “parents” rather than saying “mom and dad” because it is becoming more popular to have same sexed parents who are or are not married. I need to also be cautious of not generalizing that every student’s parents are married. It is often that children have parents who are common law or divorced parents who don’t live under the same home as the student. By avoiding generalizations, it will boost the confidence of the student who may be discouraged by the family and parents they have and while it is being made more acceptable in their communities make it will make it more accepted in the classroom as well.

Living.

Within families I have noticed that there have been many changes. As apposed to earlier days, it is rare to see a nuclear family living within the home of an extended family. Because there are less family farms and more people are becoming involved in their own careers at their own place of work, there has been a huge shift from habituating with extended families to living with their husband (or boyfriend/friends) and/or children. Less people are feeling obligated to continue living with their extended family members.

I am currently in the process of moving out of home and moving in with my boyfriend during the summer months I am in my home town. My parents have been very accepting and supportive of the fact that I am taking this step in my life and I believe this is because of the change in families needs. If my family was a farming family or if we were living in the earlier days when they may of needed my labour, I don’t believe they would be as accepting and most likely appalled at this idea. Changing from an advanced farming industry to a more industrialized society changed our views on the ideas and acceptance of nuclear family living situations.

Elton Magazine Cover

This Magazine cover shows the postmodern world. First the idea of a gay couple being public is something that wouldn’t have been tolerated before. To modernist, a couple was a man and a woman and a man and man couple would be looked down apron. Second the idea of a gay couple with a baby, this idea would have been an outrage to many people years ago. There are still people in this modern world who don’t tolerate this type of family, but it has become much more accepted in today’s society. This current magazine cover defiantly shows the acceptability of this type of postmodern family.

The institution of marriage

When surfing around the internet about families and marriage I came across a new concept called “starter marriage”. This type of marriage is a marriage the lasts less than 5 years and ends before having children. Some will upgrade to a better marriage. Pamela Paul wrote a book on this phenomenon. “Paul's thesis that although these marriages are entered into with the best of intentions, many are doomed from the start, due to unrealistic expectations of marriage and relaxed attitudes toward divorce. Ultimately, the majority of these failed marriages can serve as dress rehearsals for more stable marriages down the road.”

Now days it is not uncommon to come across people who have been through divorce. It is like the institution of marriage has become almost a joke to many. The ease it takes to get divorced has made marriage seem so easy to get out of which makes marriage more appealing to couples. I believe that if you are marrying someone you are making the commitment to be with them for the rest of your life and if you are not serious about this commitment a couple should not go through with marriage. Marriage in society should be taken much more seriously and cautiously than it presently is.

To find the article on this topic visit: http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/jessani16.html

Features of Other Families

I have seen many family’s I see in my everyday life that I look up to, while there are many families who I don’t look up to or don’t aspire to have their characteristics. When judging these families per say, we are all judging these families relative to our own. A specific family, which I do look up to and hope to find similar characteristics in my future family, is my auntie and uncles family. They are so close to their children, they take every second out of their day to spend quality time with them, are always there to listen among many other things. Personally, in my family I had wished that I could have spent more quality time and I think this is why I look up to their family. The families which I look down upon are families which the parents are more concerned about their own lives than their children’s. There is a family I am close to in Whitecourt that go bars every weekend and the child is constantly left at home with a babysitter. When judging other families I often have the tendency to compare and contrast their family lives to my own.

As a teacher, I need to be more open to the ideas of different family dynamics. I can’t look down on a family because it is “lesser” to mine. I have to work with the parents for my students to gain the most out of their education. I have to respect the decisions their family’s make and ensure my teaching is still to the best of my ability, regardless of my thoughts and judgements.

In response to Shyness

In schools there should be tests such as the sociometric test shown in the movie Shyness. There are very often kids who are shy and the teacher may not particularly notice this and having a psychologist come into the classroom can address these problems. If a teacher does notice the shyness in some students they may not be able to identify the type of shyness the student may have or how to help them address the issue. Some students, as shown in the film Shyness, can be shy due to a child with a mental “sickness”, a want to be alone or a typical shy child who wants to be involved with the other students but lacks the confidence to be a part of their activities. Whatever the matter may be, these issues must be addressed for the child to have a healthy social life within the classroom. Having the psychologist come into the classroom and identify the children with shyness as well as identify the type of shyness they may have, the children will have a much better chance of becoming more social throughout their entire life.

My Family

To start I would like to introduce and explain the family setting that I have come from. I come from a very close four person family. I have a younger brother named Justin (17). He will be graduating this year from Hilltop High School in Whitecourt. He is very involved in hockey during the winter and golf during the summer. My parents are still together 19 years. My mom and I are best friends; we are very open and honest with each other. She has been doing payroll at ANC (Alberta Newsprint Company) for about 3 years. My dad and I are also very close. We have the same personality, joke around lots and get along very well. He has been a plant operator at Pengrowth for as long as I know. My auntie is the most influential person in my life. She had a big part in raising me when I was a child and instilling morals in my life. She babysat me when I was very little and grew into a somewhat second mother to me. I am also very involved in my grandparent’s lives. My family is the most important part of my life.

Because I had lived in this “typical” family, I hope to get a better understanding of the other types of family’s my future students might be immersed in. I personally don’t know what it would feel like to be in a broken family, have a teen mom or same-sexed parents. I know with the times today this is the family many children will be born into and having a better understanding of this will make me a better teacher and a more understanding person in general. This class will greatly influence my abilities of being a teacher.